A panic attack, a daughter’s depression

Constellation on 11.11.14. A panic attack, a daughter’s depression and loss of energy when having sex with a new husband from India

I approached the constellation in a rather distracted mood. Coming to another country, living married to a man from another culture (India), two daughters, one of whom is a teenager, and finally, unexpected pregnancy. All that exhausted me a great deal.

I had three requests. I knew that masters worked with one request at a time. So, I was surprised when Natalya suggested working with all the three requests simultaneously. My request number one was what I could do for my elder daughter to get out of the “swamp” (the “swamp” meant that my daughter practically did not leave home for 11 months and had no interest for anything). Request number two was to do someting as not to lose energy during sex with my husband. Request number three was to cope with the irrational terror that had accompanied me for many years, literally petrifying me and manifesting itself as panic attacks.

The constellation started with diagnosing my integrity, which was new for me. We looked at my emotions, body, intellect, and spirit. My spirit turned out to have two heads. One head faced Death, and the other one faced Life. Both heads, though, had no energy.

It turned out that there was a woman in my family, who had an abortion in order to survive. I came to this world because she had survived. Perhaps here lies the answer to the question why I had worked in the field of perinatal psychology and home obstetrics recently.

There was another interesting moment which proved that the field extends everywhere, and the methods works even through the Internet. My substitutes proved to be in different parts of our planet, and we saw each other for the first time, and of course, they did not know my husband.  Yet, my husband’s substitute described him with high precision. He also indicated that my husband carried something very meaningful for him in his belly. Those were traditions and rituals, which his Indian ancestors adhered to. In real life, many unnecessary things were symbols for those ancient traditions. Therefore, my man had difficulty parting with them.

Natalya’s question about what scared me about India was unexpected for me. It seemed that, on the contrary, the country was always very interesting for me. India had never scared me. Suddenly, am image flashed in my inner vision: a woman enters a bonfire and dies there next to her husband, already dead. I knew about that ritual, sati; once it was considered to be very honorable for a wife to be burnt together with her dead husband. It seems to me, though, that women rarely did it voluntarily. Yet, I did not understand how that ancient history was related to me. It turned out that many years before the women of my husband’s kin died that terrible death. Perhaps, there was a little girl who saw her mother dying like that or knew that the same destiny awaited her. Perhaps, I am a direct descendant of that little girl and bear genetic memory of those horrible events. So, out of loyalty to those women, I do not allow myself to live happily, symbolically dying with my men. Therefore, I do not trust men and hide myself from them, when I am supposed to me maximally open. So, that was the true cause of my terror which petrified me and did not allow me to live happily.

(The confirmation that we had found the real cause was my notes which I made before the constellation. At the moments of panic, I used the technique of automatic writing. I recorded all that came to my mind: I am a young woman who is afraid of dying due to physical violence and experiences strong fear of intolerable physical suffering and a long death of a martyr).

The finishing step was diagnosing my spirit, both heads of which started to emanate energy and turned to the side of Life.

Now I was to realize everything and to allow my modern intellect to believe what had been revealed and then to work at home to accept and to detach myself from the old history.

I am extremely grateful to Natalya, who has been my true guide and who has helped me to see what prevented me from living, as well as to all my substitutes, who were very patient and honest in my long six-hour constellation work.

P.S. The most interesting thing was later to observe the changes which occurred. As we worked with a system, the members of my family responded. My elder daughter somewhat braced up, she began to get up early in the morning (before the constellation, she stayed up at night and slept in the daytime). She started reading up for her examination tests. My husband could not sleep at night for several nights on end: he felt very uncomfortable in the room from where all his things were removed (things which served as symbols of the Indian rituals) and which was renovated. Besides, it seemed as if we had changed places with him – I gained energy every day, while he looked tired and lost. At the time of sex, I mentally placed the women of my kin behind my back, asked for their support. That helped me to relax and to get filled with energy without losing energy instead. I know that a system takes time to get transformed, and sometimes these transformations are not easy. The most important thing is that I began to sleep well, and my relationship with my husband has become more trusting, and this is a very big step towards our mutual life.

(see a more detailed reference at the website References about the Institute in Russian and in German).

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