Dear friends,
I recently attended a rather difficult family constellation, as I had unfounded fears and a feeling of being stared at behind my back (a mental problem). It turned out that I could have had elder siblings, a brother and a sister, who were twins. The constellation was not easy by itself, but, besides, I had a strange feeling after it that it was difficult for me to concentrate upon anything: I kept returning to my thoughts, stopped noticing everything around, as if escaping somewhere.
My fears disappeared within a month, and the sensation of being stared at behind my back was gone, too. I noticed that, when I walked somewhere or just stood, my shoulders would spread, and I was no longer stooping.
All that time till the next seminar, I almost constantly drew. I mostly drew two figures together. They were important for me for some reason, and that somehow helped me to cope with my gloomy mood.
It turned out at the next systemic constellation that I used to have a twin brother but he died as an embryo. So, beginning with the previous constellation, I drew him and myself. It is difficult to describe the feeling of relief and the strength and support I now feel, because I know now that he is always with me.
After that, Natalya did another constellation for me. It was very difficult, too, and some very painful things emerged, related to several consecutive incest situations in my kin, from generation to generation. Yet, when at the end of the constellation I was surrounded and embraced by four main figures of my great-great-grandparents, I felt extremely warm; I sensed love and an inflow of strength in me.
Later, when I was just talking with Natalya, I felt uneasy when she, making a sweeping movement with her hand, drew a line with her three fingers in the air next to me. When I told her that, we did a small work (constellation with my fingers), and it turned out that each finger embodied one of those people and all of them together, as well as the situation in the kin, which became revealed during the last constellation.
Now, feeling all of them, the whole family, I realize why I contracted hepatitis C, about which I wrote in my previous reference. I understand that such severe conditions always come following very difficult events in the kin. I realize now how important it is to remember and to honor our predecessors, whoever they were.
Thank you for all.