Systemic constellations with Natalya Spokoinyi

A daughter’s derealisation, her sexual orientation; financial problems due to the daughter’s illness and relationship with the father.

I addressed Natalya Spokoinyi because of severe family problems. My father and my boyfriend had problems with alcohol, my daughter was seriously ill: she had huge problems with her head, having panic attacks, aggressive outbursts, and suicidal thoughts. She complained of severe derealisation (everything around her seemed unreal to her, as if she were playing a computer game). At some point, her condition became so severe that she could not read and mostly played computer games all through the night. She slept in the daytime, was filled with despair and hatred for herself. She denied everything feminine in herself, she kept crying because she was born a girl, she considered herself lesbian, and she dreamt of having a relationship with another girl.

To share her condition with me, my daughter wrote down her feelings at the moment: “I immediately forget what I was about to do or say, I cannot maintain a conversation, and I do things automatically, without being involved in the process, as if the time of transmitting my nerve impulses has extended, and the impulses themselves get attenuated on the way. I feel nothing. The room wall seems huge to me but very far, like a mountain far away”.

My daughter was very positive about the first systemic constellation with Natalya. It looked as if her appearance changed a little, and she began to look more attractive and happy. I started noticing her smile every now and then, whereas earlier there was no smile at all for long periods of time. She now has more energy, and her day schedule does not change. She now has more interest for common things – earlier she went to school once a week and only under serious pressure.

It was after the systemic constellation that she resumed her connections with her school girlfriends (they were from her old school which she had to leave due to her illness). Before that, she complained furiously of her loneliness, and, when I suggested seeing her old friends, she would start shouting at me, saying they did not need her anymore. After the constellation, though, it turned out they needed her. She visited them several times during the vacation, and she returned pleased. It was like life and death, compared to the previous condition.

My daughter started showing interest for her school work and for volunteering activities. Two months after the first constellation, my daughter got a boyfriend, a very positive young man. She has become more independent, and she now has plans for the future.

A month after starting work with Natalya, I decided it was time for me to part with my boyfriend. Separation was easy for me, and I wasn’t worried about it.

After the first constellation with Natalya, we decided to continue working. However, Natalya advised me to work at myself, not at my daughter. She said that if the mother becomes happier, the daughter feels better and stops “rescuing” her.

After that, several small systemic constellations were done at my requests, which concerned my fears related to my daughter’s condition and my negative attitude to my father.

After that work, my father (who naturally knew nothing about the constellation work) looked queer for a week, once saying to me: I feel so bad without you. I was shocked by the phrase, as I had never had such relations with my father, and he had never told me anything like that.

By the results of several months, my father began to drink much less, I see almost no aggression on his side; he began to criticize myself and his granddaughter much less, and he is trying to help me in my life, as much as he can. We now have much fewer incidental conflicts. Sometimes I simply do not recognize him: one can say that he has become subtle and sensitive.

I now have new strength, I feel more energetic. There has appeared a possibility to earn some extra money on the side, and this work seems rather interesting to me.

I am now paying off the numerous loans I took because of my daughter’s illness.

This inspires me somehow: I did not even think about how I would pay off my loans, as I had to have my daughter treated, anyway.  I could not think about money, as her condition required my permanent presence. After the systemic constellation,

she became much more self-reliant, and I got time for earning money on the side, and in general I regained strength.

I thank Natalya a lot!